Dr Cheryl Meier's Blog

Walk in Love

Tag: C.S. Lewis

Love is the Answer Seminar 

I uploaded this seminar on YouTube this evening!

… It’s newly recorded, updated from one I made before!

Love is the Answer is the title and link!

I teach about how to get more love and healing into your life! Also:

  • Why we “depress” ourselves, or stay in anger or anxiety–
  • Why we get so mad when people push certain buttons.
  • What blocks us from intimacy
  • How to be more self-compassionate and kind.
  • Where we developed these patterns of behavior from and how to be more conscious in regards to healing our specific patterns!
  • Aligning ourselves with and connecting more to the love of God

Much love to each of you!

I’ll keep you updated with quotes, encouragement, and resources here on my @DrCherylM Twitter page too!

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Panic Attacks and What Not…

I’ve had a lot of people recently come to me about anxiety attacks and panic attacks so I am going to teach you here, best I can, in a very short amount of time, so that you can be more prepared if you enter into an anxious time in your life or so that you can be equipped to be of assistance to the people you love around you…and we are invited to truly love everyone…so, no pressure!

Ok, so, in Montreal, back in the late 1990’s, Dr. Surkis taught me that a panic attack is when “you attack yourself with your own anxiety”.  Consider, if you have a deep deep wound or fear, that you didn’t even realize you sealed off or pushed down — then, something happens in your present life– like a health scare, a job change, a new crossroads on your path suddenly opens up and it stirs up and awakens this fear deep down below.  Your normal coping mechanisms are all at play and yet they are not working. The fear of possibly having more intimacy can provoke this as well.

In our childhood we let all sorts of people (like our parents) close to us.  They are not perfect people and they have also made many destructive or unconscious choices in their lives — they are not filled with the perfection of love — so, basically, we have these people in our intimate space and they hurt us.  Why wouldn’t that provoke anxiety within us about the idea of intimacy?

Some of us have experienced more traumatic rejection, abuse, or coldness than others, but it is not ours to compare with others, only BE compassionate, I urge you.  Choose not to judge where another person has come from and neither judge your own experience as “impossible to get over” — Honestly, this sounds cliche’, but if there is a Creator God that created us all, which, I believe there is, then the words are true that Jesus said: “with man, this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible…”  (I am reminded of what Audrey Hepburn said, look at the word impossible a different way and you see:

“I’m possible” ).

Why do you think this is, that with God, this relief, this healing is possible?  We are both physical flesh and we are also Spirit.  Jesus is called the “Author of Peace” … St Paul says of Jesus “For He Himself is our peace.”   Regardless of your religion — consider, what if Jesus embodied the Spirit of God in all perfection?  In the Psalms we read this song:  “I will rescue those who love me.  I will protect those who trust in my name.  When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble.  I will rescue them and honor them…and give them my salvation.” (Ps. 91)

Salvation has to do with healing, restoring, bringing to right– even if you think of a “salve” a healing balm that works in us to heal all of the broken parts.  I just now looked up Psalm 91, to bring you the Hebrew word they have in that verse for Salvation– you’ll never believe what it is!?

yĕshuw`ah” 

יְשׁוּעָה

is the Hebrew text.  (Read from right to left) I took Hebrew for a couple semesters in college — “Yeshua” is the name “Jesus” — it is the Hebrew name for Jesus  — It is what Jesus parents would have called him… if your name now is Joshua– your name means “salvation” — So it is like the verse is saying to us, 1,000 plus years before Jesus, ” I will give them my Yeshua.”

I cannot believe I forgot this Hebrew word.

So, the Strong’s Hebrew definition is “to save, be saved, be delivered…”

So, to go back to the beginning of this blog post, because I didn’t complete the first thought presented here, what Dr. Surkis said about how we attack our own selves with panic.  He would tell us to always go to the origin and real definition of a word –(that’s why I chose Montreal, to go to this internship– because I love words and finding their origin!)  –Anyways, Pan comes from the Norse god “Pan” the being that would play the flute and everyone in the village couldn’t help themselves but they would  start dancing and follow him.  He represents our raw impulses and emotions in a wild way.  This whole idea of “panic” has to do with “I am afraid of my own impulses.”  Consider this theory, that we have huge anger, rage, sadness, grief and guilt about our past — and all of these emotions are pushed down until some new fear activates them.
We feel overwhelmed by these feelings and do not know how to handle it… The classic example of this is when people are afraid to drive on the freeway — because, as Dr. Surkis would teach us, — the highway is this big open road and you are in a car–this big thing/object that has the possibility of causing death– and other people are on the freeway and they can hurt us possibly.   You can also drive “anywhere” and go really fast on the freeway.   Look at how I described some people’s childhood!  Look at these cars and the freeway as a metaphor.  We do not wish to recreate the pain of our own childhood!  We don’t realize consciously why suddenly we are afraid of the road — but it is such a “perfect” match to the fear from what is buried down in our childhood.

I only gave myself one hour to write this, so I will have to continue a “Part 2” of this — I do not want to “leave you here” but I have a goal to stay consistent with writing and helping people here, so I have to use the time I set aside.  In order to do this, I have to set aside my perfectionism and my wish to include EVERYthing in one post.

Suffice it to say, God is still, God, — He is Spirit and He gave us His name when, as St. Luke recorded:  the angel of The Lord came to Mary and said “Listen! You will become pregnant and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of King David, his ancestor….his kingdom will never end” (That is the NCV of Luke 1:31…) 

Regardless of what me, or any psychologist says, — I believe that God loves us and has the power to bring us healing and heal all of these old old deep set wounds.  We are afraid to let someone heal us because that would require closeness and then we could get hurt again.  — Sometimes, we think we would rather get lost in all of our anxiety– as painful as it is — than allow healing — but it is so important that we seek Truth in our innermost self and we do not let the darkness and evil of the past determine the rest of our lives — not when we have Jesus who says to us “I AM the Way…”

It is a great mystery to dwell upon.  I am not offering any cartoon version of Jesus but to seek these mysteries of God and let them begin to unfold in your life.  You are not alone in your anxiety.  It can be terrifying — believe me, I come at times, desperate before God.

I’ll write more on this… Much Love to you always.  Feel free to comment and ask more, so I know what you guys would like answers about….

Watch this 2 minute video– it shows us what goes on in us internally as children!

You are Here For a Reason…

Consider a song — or singers singing in harmony…The two harmonies make a third sound — this sound could not be accomplished without both people singing in harmony with each other.  Music is so rich and beautiful, it can teach us about the deeper things of life where words fail to describe.

This is what art can do.

My art is to convey to you some of this, in words and images, so that you can heal.  I find that there are deep deep cut off parts of ourselves that weigh us down — or they freak out and provoke us to react to the smallest grievance.  I know you do not wish to hurt the people you love or push them away and remain isolated.  I am sure you are aware that it is not the highest path to tear yourself down.  For the love of our Dear God — put in the effort, let’s learn to align ourselves with truth — align ourselves with the highest octave available to us in heaven and earth — so that we can serve others with this beautiful love we have found.  We serve by singing in beautiful harmony with the truest Love.

Another way I can think of to convey what I am saying in my limited words — is to encourage you, invite you — stop blocking the Holy Spirit of God from transforming you.  Love brings Love and healing to the deepest, saddest, loneliest part of you.

You do not have to understand what I am saying in those terms — I can really only use the terms that have deep meaning for me, if they do not have the deep meaning for you, then look beyond my mere words and feel what I am conveying to you in my earnestness.  My passion and earnestness comes from somewhere– it cannot be feigned.  You can tell at once, when you are listening to a musician or watching an actor or actress — if he or she is being sincere — if what they are conveying is coming from a truly deep sincere place at the core of their being.

I encourage you, live from this place.  Regardless of how people look at you — live from this place.  Quiet your mind and look deep deep beyond the surface of the busy people running to and fro around you — beyond the bills, the debts, the highs, the lows, the quarrels, the “updates” and “statuses”, beyond what everyone around you is constantly talking about:

who are you? Who are You?

What is a piano if we just take all the keys and drop them on the floor?

If we just take guitar strings and throw them all over a floor — they make no music that way.

If they are taut and in tune and plucked in a masterful way then they can make music that transposes us to a higher realm.

Look at a rainbow, sunlight reflecting on raindrops at just the right angle, in just the right way — to reveal to us, the beautiful colors that are already there but our eyes do not see them without this specific combination.

arthur rackham rainbow woman

What makes a masterful artist?  Consider a ballerina — practicing her craft 8 hours a day for weeks, months, and years on end…until her toes are bleeding and beyond.  What makes her dance beautiful? Technique? Certainly excellent technique is breathtaking — but her life, her essence, her capacity to genuinely connect with the dance she is performing is what moves the deepest part of us.

How do we live in such a way?  Perhaps we cannot live in the serious state I am speaking from — but pure joy and happiness expresses our essence as well.  If we could “dwell in the secret place of the most high” — if we find some secret pocket of pure Love, if we live there — in that place or state of being “in God” we feel loved and loving.  We feel protected from anything and everything that has ever harmed us — we are welcomed as we are, forgiven.  From this place we can act calmly and confidently. We can dance beautifully, express our deepest longings and  highest understandings of this world.

If I play my musical scales on the piano 3 hours a day for months and years in the beginning — or find beautiful pieces of music to practice and practice so that my fingers know the path they walk by muscle memory…as I listen to the notes speak to each other and respond within the written song manifested on a keyboard — I grow in my craft.  If then, after all that work, you could approach me with Mozart — then I could sit at the piano and play it.

If I have never touched a keyboard, how could I play it?

If I do not contemplate: “Who am I and what is Life?” then how can I live this life with purpose? What is my purpose?

If I only knew that the notes on the paper correspond with the notes on a piano and I could mechanically play it — you will hear me “play” that piece.  My playing in that way may inspire you to actually learn a craft better than I have revealed by my mechanical playing.  If you watch a person who can hear the music and play the subtleties with passion and love — you could see the contrast between me and her.

This is our life.

Who are You and what is your life about?  What is Life?  What does it mean to have an in tune guitar within our being?  What does it look like to play the notes that are most beautiful in this moment — to play with gentleness, meekness, confidence, vigor, strength, seriousness, gaiety, humility?  How could we “play” in such a way that is equal to whips clearing out a temple that needs clearing out?  Or play with such tenderness that the most hardened heart is inclined to welcome love?

Pain and trauma from the past can try to block our path.  We think we got away and then find ourselves repeating the same pattern that was so familiar to us then.  It’s horrible.  I know.  Some days can be really painful.  It’s so important that we keep on.  Others can see in our face that we have experienced deep grief and pain but we are still here.  Our sincere faces inspire them to continue.  We long to play in harmony with Love.  Accept nothing less than the highest path.

One of my favorite passages about Jesus is the one that says: “Even if I testify about Myself…My testimony is valid, because I know where I came from and where I’m going. But you don’t know where I come from or where I’m going…”  He knew who He was, what his Life was about — where he came from and where he was going.

We can get so caught up in how everyone else describes life that we don’t even think of “Life”.  Remember that quote I often write on twitter — because I am reminded of it so often:

“Never tell a child,” said George MacDonald, ‘you have a soul. Teach him, you are a soul; you have a body.'”

Or remember these lyrics of Miss. Lauryn Hill’s:

Come on baby, light my fire
Everything you drop is so tired
Music is supposed to inspire
How come we ain’t getting no higher?

…Now tell me your philosophy
On exactly what an artist should be
Should they be someone with prosperity
And no concept of reality?
Now, who you know without any flaws
That lives above the spiritual laws
And does anything they feel just because
There’s always someone there who’ll applaud…

(from her song “Superstar”)

I cannot tell you everything in one blog post… you know how I try to do that if you have been here (I’m still working to re-post the 12+ posts I took down from the last two years.)  — I know that as we try to run from our past pain, or escape it –without going through it and allowing love to come in and heal us– then we just repeat it!  I know that much, from my own experience and in working with others as a psychologist.  We do not have to keep creating unnecessary pain — but we must muster up the courage, with the help of God, to face the pain we have been so frightened to walk through.

If we never think about “Life” and the essence of who we are and why we are here — then we continuously just walk through in a kind of numbed state — unawakened to any higher purpose we may have for being here on this earth and having the experience we are experiencing.

I trust what Jesus said when he said “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness….”  it would take me about a year of blog posts to begin to describe and explore the mystery and depth of those words — but his words are not said aimlessly and without purpose.  I know that much.  I put them here because I do not wish to mislead anyone — ever — I pray to God to give me wisdom so that I do not teach anyone to go onto a path that will bring you more disconnection from our Creator.

Also, you are a beautiful Soul –with choices in this world.  I must live and write in a way that respects that you have these choices to make.

You are not alone.

I wish you so much love on this journey.

I’ll do my best to keep writing here to remind you that you are not alone, to encourage you on this path of yours, and to honestly explore these psychological — soul-ideas so that — if there is a way to know and experience a deeper love, then we can keep learning how to do so.  Jesus expressed: “I am the way”…  I sincerely pray that the truest sense of those words is unfolded in our lives.

Listen to the lone piano notes…walking this path…in the midst of everything else… this song– without the lyrics was so profound to me as I heard it this evening on my way home from work —  I just went to wikipedia to find out what the title means in English — and of course, it’s about longing (the story of my life)!

“The title can be translated roughly as “enough longing,” though the Portuguese word, saudade, carries with it a far more complex meaning. The word implies an intensity of heartfelt connection that is yearned for passionately, not unlike feeling withdrawal symptoms from a drug that makes one feel good. Another good analogy might be an intense homesickness. Chega, in this case, means no more, enough...”

Much love dear ones — as we encourage each other in our intense homesickness here!

Dancing on the Highway, Elliott Smith, Esoteric

This Unreleased Elliott Smith song, “Dancing on the HighWay”  is what I used this time to make this video.  Screen Shot 2016-03-14 at 3.06.57 PM

Instead of doing a seminar for an hour, describing all of the amazing hidden Spiritual and Psychological meanings– I made the choice to only use pictures this time!

Just before Elliott wrote Dancing on the Highway (1999) I had given him a copy of Boethius’ Consolation of Philosophy (it was written around 520AD). In the book Lady Wisdom consoles Boethius who was falsely charged, imprisoned, and condemned to death. Lady Wisdom/Philosophy shows him that nothing has been taken from him that he doesn’t already -still- possess. –It’s like what Elliott says in
“Can’t Make a Sound”:

Why would you want any other, when you’re a world within a world?” ~Elliott Smith

Bob Marley conveys the same idea:

“Man is a Universe within himself” ~ Bob Marley

and Jesus reminds us:

and “The Kingdom of God is within you” ~ Jesus

This song “Dancing on the High-Way” follows the same pattern as Boethius. To me, Elliott is describing what happens when you listen to Lady Wisdom, as mentioned in the Proverbs… Even more so, the wisdom and truth of God — as revealed in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ Himself.  Christ is, indeed, our lost love.  We are the bride of Christ and he is our groom.  

Elliott describes the transformation of letting go of your flesh/physical self and seeking to follow the narrow path that Christ calls us to follow, in Him.  To me, Elliott’s songs about  “death” are about the –necessary death– the death of your ego, your fleshly desires, impulses, and the “mask” of yourself–which isn’t YOU…but it pretends to be you!

Much Love to you!! XoXo

Here’s a link to Boethius- free pdf:
http://www.exclassics.com/consol/consol.pdf

and all of George MacDonald’s books are free here:
(I gave Elliott The Princess and the Curdie (in 1998) but
The Princess and the Goblin is the first of these two books!)

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/127

Marriage/relationships, a refresher course

I had the radio on for 5 min the other day (am) and the host said:

“I used to love her, but I’m just not in love anymore….”

I seriously thought about calling in…but that’s what’s great about this blog, I can direct that energy and understanding here so people that want to learn and want to free themselves, can.

Marriage and relationships are a funny mystery…if we understand part of their purpose then we can appreciate this place of “being married” much more!

Imagine, for a moment, that you have all these old emotional wounds from childhood– but they may be “dormant” — you have “sufficient” space between yourself and most others –where very few people activate these old wounds….

Enter—> a spouse and kids!

A spouse is like a mirror, he or she brings out whatever “deficiencies” or wounds you have. Remember, we “go back” to where we were hurt in childhood, we find someone familiar to push into that old role of our parents. (Notice the word “family” in familiar…Our spouses often reactivate our old family drama.)

What we find out though, through our anger and disappointment, is that we found someone who was wounded in the same way as us—who reacted to those wounds, in an opposite way than us. (I’ll explain/describe, below). That person is just as “disabled” as us, but they can empathize well because he does know the same pain.

Here’s the example:

Let’s say that both partners were neglected in childhood. One child may react by becoming a performer, outgoing, seeking attention to try to fill the neglect….the other child totally shuts down and became introverted– trying to deny his felt needs for love and closeness. Both people “magically” find eachother –(the shy person wants to be more outgoing and “confident”…the outgoing one is exhausted from performing and doesn’t want to feel so needy)…. they think the other will heal them…when, really, they have both just reacted an opposite way to the same pain. (What they each need is the solution not a reaction.)

Regardless of how that example sounds marriage is still a sacred union that can truly be the catalyst we needed in order to SEE what was broken and take responsibility to heal it. (It CAN be healed, it’s just that we are now adults, our parents and spouses cannot heal us…only we can, with the help of the Creator, who is LOVE, who gives this LOVE freely….we just don’t yet experience it…if we still think it’s our spouse’s job, or that we’re meant to just be empty, resentful, performing, or begging the rest of our lives…etc).

This is why though, we have that phenomenon where we experienced falling in love and once we find out that person does not have the solution, but their own reaction
—and we find out they are not healing us
— and our inadequacies are all the more apparent,
—and we engage in a “power struggle” trying to push the other person into reading our mind and loving us in all the ways our parents didn’t…
—and it’s still not working…
—then people complicate everything cause they think that diving into a new pool (affair or divorce) will solve everything, when really, they just needed to learn how to swim! (it’s a CS Lewis quote, in his book “The Four Loves” …we like the sensation of diving/”falling in love” so much but we never learn to swim…).

Even when we leave our spouse for the affair the broken patterns we have within us, do manifest in the new “affair” relationship anywhere between 2 hours and 2 years (Harville Hendrix’ book: Keeping the Love You Find is the best book I’ve found on this– except for he emphasizes that the other person can heal you, and they can’t, not in and of themselves, — but Hendrix has amazing insight as to how we are wounded in each stage of development and what it looks like as adults and that our partner does act as a mirror and shows us what needs healing…just look at the re-occurring arguments!  They point to exactly what you are wanting.)

One more point before wrapping up this post, that I’m sure to mention lots more– is Shakespeare’s quote:

Thou dost protest too loudly!

Look to wherever the energy is–and you will see what old pain keeps getting re-activated and then you can begin to take the steps to SEE it, take responsibility for your own pain, and begin to heal it!

It’s the pie/pizza rule…. If your spouse or child does something that really only warrants addressing with 1/8th piece of the pie, but you are throwing the WHOLE thing at them…then that 7/8ths is your own unconscious “baggage” not theirs– and the more you over react with them, the less chance you have of actually addressing the 1/8th that needs to be addressed at some point–and a MUCH less chance of ever seeing your own stuff because you’re so lost in rage at theirs.

Jesus was showing us they way to heal when he directed us to take the log out of our own eye then we will be able to remove the speck out of our brothers.

There’s lots more…but this will help you be more loving and compassionate to that kind person we’ve been engaging in all this madness for so many years! I know, they’ve been doing it too…but you can heal what is missing, and learn to forgive “all debts owed to you” from the past– and it REALLY cuts down on resentment….

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