Dr Cheryl Meier's Blog

Walk in Love

Tag: awake

Somebody Loves You: Releasing Old Wounds to Let Love In

I was reading the mystic, Julian of Norwich this week and I happened across her words:

The greatest honor we can give Almighty God is to live gladly because of the knowledge of his love.

Yes, of course we would and could live gladly when we are in our right mind and heart and have an experiential knowledge of His love.  If we knew that the Creator of the universe loved us, why would anything in this world really even bother us?

I could spout out theology until I am blue in the face but that does not give us the experience of this deep love that Julian of Norwich is describing!

She writes:

In his love he clothes us, enfolds us and embraces us;

that tender love completely surrounds us, never to leave us…

So what do we do with the part of ourselves that feels like Elliott’s song:

“God don’t make no junk but it’s plain to see, he still made me…” ~Elliott Smith

Surely our actions and choices in our lives cannot be based solely on how we feel in a moment.  There hast to be a way “out” of this pattern!

I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I’m gonna be free, Lord!
Find me somebody to love…

~ Freddie Mercury / Queen

We pray to God for relief…”Please God, this pain is too much — what can I do to be free of it?  What can I do to genuinely be free of it, not run to something that will just mask my shame and make me feel good in the moment — I want a real solution that will last.”

You need a love that’s gonna last 

~ Prince

As a side note,  if you wonder why all of these artists, philosophers, musicians and poets of old have access to these kinds of deep truths and understandings of the complexities of our inner  psyche — here’s one writer (a priest) that I found a few weeks ago who described exactly why!

In creating a work of art, the psyche or soul of the artist ascends from the earthly realm into the heavenly; there, free of all images, the soul is fed in contemplation by the essences of the highest realm, knowing the permanent noumena of things; then, satiated with this knowing, it descends again to the earthly realm. And precisely at the boundary between the two worlds, the soul’s spiritual knowledge assumes the shape of symbolic imagery: and it is these images that make permanent the work of art. Art is thus materialized dream, separated from the ordinary consciousness of waking life.

~ Pavel Florensky 1882-1937

arthur rackham pic

The problem, however, that we run into (Florensky writes much on this) is that we can get “lost” in a certain place within our spiritual imagination and we think we are growing closer to God and doing all sorts of “spiritual things” to please God, when really– we are in a place that is akin to the dreaded sleep in Tolkien’s Mirkwood Forest, or listening to the Siren’s songs of old, or C.S. Lewis’s Dark Island — where our “dreams” are being played out — but truly, we have put ourselves in a kind of sleep.

It is too much to describe in one blog post, but I know myself well enough to know that I will not stop in my pursuit of giving people this warning and as much understanding of it as I can…The spiritual Fathers from long ago (400A.D.) call it “prelest” (Here is the wiki, but that often is edited. Here is an Orthodox site that describes it as well.)

It is actually a really painful subject for me to talk about — but I remember reading a certain Madeleine L’Engle book (Two Part Invention) where she said something about how her most painful books often turn out the “best”…not necessarily commercially, but because they cut to the quick…

My part here, in this blog, besides to assemble all of these thoughts that have helped me on this path we are contemplating together in this “weekly session” — is to say, that sometimes we have deep trauma or rejection from early experiences in life. We have the capacity to seal them off and bury them with tons of “numbing glue” and not even realize it.  As much as we try to just take a big stamp and stamp it over our face “God Loves you” “Jesus Loves you” etc.  It doesn’t work that way.  True healing does not work that way.

God did not create a static ocean that just stands still, in one place…the streams feed it, the rivers feed it, it is in motion.  Like the word “e-motion” it is in motion.  When our past is extricated away from us and our feelings are frozen solid and there are deep painful places we dare not go — we can’t just think a “Jesus Stamp” will make it all go away.  Jesus did not put a “Jesus Stamp” up upon the cross.  He lived a reality where he experienced the abuse –as an innocent man–, scorning its shame — he could have escaped at any moment, he didn’t. He didn’t face it to be a doormat or a pleaser either.  It is a mystery — like the quote I put on Facebook last week:

We see…it is not the task of Christianity to provide easy answers to every question but to make us progressively aware of a mystery.
~Kallistos Ware

We must do the best work that we can, always,  to stay watchful and meaningful, and vigilant, to pursue truth in our innermost parts and to invite God to truly Love us, to clarify these great mysteries — and help us to heal these old, old glued over wounds.  We must begin to be honest…to not force ourself, but do not accept our old excuses either, because they are lies.

“If we don’t pray according to the needs of the heart, we repress our deepest longings. Our prayers may not be rational, and we may be quite aware of that, but if we repress our needs, then those unsaid prayers will fester.”

~ Madeleine L’Engle

and then Julian of Norwich writes:

…the goodness of God is the highest object of prayer and it reaches down to our lowest need.

and she writes this:

Grace transforms our failings full of dread into abundant, endless comfort…our failings full of shame into a noble, glorious rising…our dying full of sorrow into holy, blissful life. …. Just as our contrariness here on earth brings us pain, shame and sorrow, so grace brings us surpassing comfort, glory, and bliss in heaven…And that shall be a property of blessed love, that we shall know in God, which we might never have known without first experiencing woe…

It is so important that we do not use “spirituality” as a way to escape from the problems that we have.  We were given a human body and psyche — Soul, Spirit, Mind, Heart — I won’t differentiate all of those now, because I have run out of the time I allotted for this “session” — but when we turn to an “all mystic” approach and insist on “staying up in some kind of spiritual high” — we are not respecting the fact that we are living within a body.  We can get lost in our own imaginings…

When people do not know what to do with the pain of their past, we find ways to try to “get over it”… Sometimes the best way over — is through.

“The growth of love is not a straight line, but a series of hills and valleys.” ~ Madeleine L’Engle

Here’s a 1 minute video…

a Blessing Poem of John O’Donohue’s before he passed from this world:

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Panic Attacks, Part 2

I am sitting here, quieting my mind, open to what surfaces regarding how to teach and inspire you even more, in this one hour I have to write this, on the subject of Panic Attacks.

I trust what comes to surface, I am thinking of the amazing singer and lyricist, Freddie Mercury.  His song, “Play the Game” is what I “hear”:

Open up your mind and let me step inside
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide
It’s so easy, when you know the rules
It’s so easy, all you have to do
Is fall in love
Play the game,
Everybody play the game of love…

The idea of letting someone into our intimate space can provoke anxiety for some.  We were created with this longing to love, to be loved, to know, and to be known…to have a purpose, a destiny and fulfill it.  I like how Freddie Mercury brings up this idea of a game– because there is a risk in a game, of losing.  One of the elements of love is that it involves free-will.  A person can always invest and then step out, move away, hurt us, etc.  We can choose “not to play” and then miss out all together and freeze our hearts, or cover them with plastic fakeness, or bitterness and sarcasm, or harden them with a wall of stone.

We are often so used to our heart in one of those hardened conditions that we don’t even realize it!  We can have sadness, broken beliefs, bad experiences from early childhood and we stuffed down our confusion, anger, rage, grief, guilt, etc– and it is like you put dry-wall plaster over it all and hope that it just goes away.  It is a way of disassociating with it or dis-identifying with it.  We do not like all of that… so we “bury it,”

like Elliott’s song so aptly describes:

his body’d been buried below
Way back in the day
Oh my, nothing else could have been done
He made his life a lie so
He might never have to know anyone
Made his life a lie you know…

~ Elliott Smith

Why wouldn’t we want to act like everything is perfect and fine now?  We really really do not wish to repeat the trauma or chaos or rejection and pain we felt from the past, so we think if we just bury it below then we can move on and build a happy life and learn to love again.  Unfortunately, that is like building a house on sinking sand.  It’s not as if we even “think” this out, as a child.  If we experience pain and no one is there to teach us what to do with it or how to walk through it and release it…or if no one is there to comfort us and love us — what else are we going to do?

I need a sound bite of Henry Rollin’s song, where he screams out ….”rage…I love you and hate you both at the same time…” His solution is to crush the rage somehow and turn it into a diamond.

There is something to that… in a way.  I met with this professor a couple weeks ago, he had been a pastor in Santa Barbara for many years, Dr. Jerry Root.  He said “pain that isn’t transformed, is transferred…”

I could honestly write 1,000 pages right now on what that means, looks like, etc.  We have this limitation of time.  There’s no way I would sit and read a 1,000 page blog post! I know myself better than that, so I won’t write one for you!

So, lets understand, like the alchemists of the past– they wanted to transform lead into gold.  It is no “coincidence” or accident that Christ’s first miracle was to turn water into wine.  He was turning one liquid substance, water, used for cleansing, into another, rich, and beautifully tasting substance– wine.  The master of the ceremonies of the wedding said “you have saved the best for last…”  Of course, if you know me, you know I wish to talk about all of the amazing spiritual insights and depths we could go into with just this first miracle as recorded in the Gospels… but let’s stay, today, on this topic — of why we get these “anxiety attacks” seemingly out of nowhere.

So, imagine, if the theory that I laid out so far is correct — first, we are innocent children, we “let someone inside our mind/heart” and we play the game of love…we get hurt or crushed in some way…”we bury the ‘body'” and live a lie, so that we never have to “know” anyone.  How can we know anyone or anyone really know us when we have our child self that has been cut off and ostracized from ourselves like a pariah carrying our shame– we want nothing to do with that pain.  Yet, some part of our subconscious selves KNOWS that we have buried someone.  It feels the guilt and weight of that.

The other part of “never have to know anyone” is that we have created a wall around our heart (with the plaster, etc.) and now we have a built-in barrier between ourselves and other people.

Before we go on to see the “cure” — Look for a second at how you can “tell” your heart has been plastered over.  I know some people– that insist “I had a great childhood, nothing was ever wrong…”  and yet the father was an alcoholic, or both spouses were cheating on each other or one of them was, etc.  (The cheating is an indication that something is broken down and not working in that family.)  But, how a person like that could “test” their own hearts — is to examine:

“Am I always looking down on other people? judging them, gossiping about them, telling their “wrong doings” to others, making slighting comments and putting them down?”

This is a person who is not living in meekness and humility.  When we are that way, our actions are telling us that we have this dark, broken part of ourselves buried below, disconnected from ourselves and we have no desire to be reconciled to that part of ourselves and love, transform, heal and forgive/integrate the child we cut off, back into our own person.

I was reading the scriptures the other day (in the daily prayer readings) and the Prophet Ezekiel had written this re: God:

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
The New Living translation says:

“I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” (Eze 36:26)

For me, regardless of what any skeptics say about God– I am so amazed, still, all the time, that we have these writings in Holy Scriptures, and in the life that Christ lived out in his own body —we have access to the Father, God– Creator of all things, and that this same God, is interested in restoring us and healing us.  In one sense, all of the scriptures, if you read the whole Bible in one long sitting, you would just see this pattern of God offering His constant love, and people turning to block Him off — and make idols, and form hearts of stones, then God keeps accepting them back, providing a means of forgiveness while not excusing their wrong doing— we wreck it again, there He is offering love again….

I have to wrap this blog post up because I leave in about 5 min.

Here was the commentary at that verse about how God wants to reveal to us the path to make our hearts tender again & not leave us there, lost in the pain and trauma of our childhood.

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary
“36:25-38 Water is an emblem of the cleansing our polluted souls from sin. But no water can do more than take away the filth of the flesh. Water seems in general the sacramental sign of the sanctifying influences of the Holy Ghost; yet this is always connected with the atoning blood of Christ. When the latter is applied by faith to the conscience, to cleanse it from evil works, the former is always applied to the powers of the soul, to purify it from the pollution of sin. All that have an interest in the new covenant, have a new heart and a new spirit, in order to their walking in newness of life. God would give a heart of flesh, a soft and tender heart, complying with his holy will. Renewing grace works as great a change in the soul, as the turning a dead stone into living flesh. God will put his Spirit within, as a Teacher, Guide, and Sanctifier. The promise of God’s grace to fit us for our duty, should quicken our constant care and endeavor to do our duty. These are promises to be pleaded by, and will be fulfilled to, all true believers in every age.”

I honestly think this age old tradition of praying “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me” aka “kyrie eleison” can and will transform all of our deep psychological wounds… but it is a mystical and contemplative practice.  I don’t mean just substituting our anxiety and obsessive “pushing down” with reciting a prayer mindlessly — but mindful, and sincere — When we sincerely ask God, He can help us see what is disconnected in us and enlighten us and fill us with His Spirit and Truth to cleanse and re-join these cut off parts.

Much love to you always

You are Here For a Reason…

Consider a song — or singers singing in harmony…The two harmonies make a third sound — this sound could not be accomplished without both people singing in harmony with each other.  Music is so rich and beautiful, it can teach us about the deeper things of life where words fail to describe.

This is what art can do.

My art is to convey to you some of this, in words and images, so that you can heal.  I find that there are deep deep cut off parts of ourselves that weigh us down — or they freak out and provoke us to react to the smallest grievance.  I know you do not wish to hurt the people you love or push them away and remain isolated.  I am sure you are aware that it is not the highest path to tear yourself down.  For the love of our Dear God — put in the effort, let’s learn to align ourselves with truth — align ourselves with the highest octave available to us in heaven and earth — so that we can serve others with this beautiful love we have found.  We serve by singing in beautiful harmony with the truest Love.

Another way I can think of to convey what I am saying in my limited words — is to encourage you, invite you — stop blocking the Holy Spirit of God from transforming you.  Love brings Love and healing to the deepest, saddest, loneliest part of you.

You do not have to understand what I am saying in those terms — I can really only use the terms that have deep meaning for me, if they do not have the deep meaning for you, then look beyond my mere words and feel what I am conveying to you in my earnestness.  My passion and earnestness comes from somewhere– it cannot be feigned.  You can tell at once, when you are listening to a musician or watching an actor or actress — if he or she is being sincere — if what they are conveying is coming from a truly deep sincere place at the core of their being.

I encourage you, live from this place.  Regardless of how people look at you — live from this place.  Quiet your mind and look deep deep beyond the surface of the busy people running to and fro around you — beyond the bills, the debts, the highs, the lows, the quarrels, the “updates” and “statuses”, beyond what everyone around you is constantly talking about:

who are you? Who are You?

What is a piano if we just take all the keys and drop them on the floor?

If we just take guitar strings and throw them all over a floor — they make no music that way.

If they are taut and in tune and plucked in a masterful way then they can make music that transposes us to a higher realm.

Look at a rainbow, sunlight reflecting on raindrops at just the right angle, in just the right way — to reveal to us, the beautiful colors that are already there but our eyes do not see them without this specific combination.

arthur rackham rainbow woman

What makes a masterful artist?  Consider a ballerina — practicing her craft 8 hours a day for weeks, months, and years on end…until her toes are bleeding and beyond.  What makes her dance beautiful? Technique? Certainly excellent technique is breathtaking — but her life, her essence, her capacity to genuinely connect with the dance she is performing is what moves the deepest part of us.

How do we live in such a way?  Perhaps we cannot live in the serious state I am speaking from — but pure joy and happiness expresses our essence as well.  If we could “dwell in the secret place of the most high” — if we find some secret pocket of pure Love, if we live there — in that place or state of being “in God” we feel loved and loving.  We feel protected from anything and everything that has ever harmed us — we are welcomed as we are, forgiven.  From this place we can act calmly and confidently. We can dance beautifully, express our deepest longings and  highest understandings of this world.

If I play my musical scales on the piano 3 hours a day for months and years in the beginning — or find beautiful pieces of music to practice and practice so that my fingers know the path they walk by muscle memory…as I listen to the notes speak to each other and respond within the written song manifested on a keyboard — I grow in my craft.  If then, after all that work, you could approach me with Mozart — then I could sit at the piano and play it.

If I have never touched a keyboard, how could I play it?

If I do not contemplate: “Who am I and what is Life?” then how can I live this life with purpose? What is my purpose?

If I only knew that the notes on the paper correspond with the notes on a piano and I could mechanically play it — you will hear me “play” that piece.  My playing in that way may inspire you to actually learn a craft better than I have revealed by my mechanical playing.  If you watch a person who can hear the music and play the subtleties with passion and love — you could see the contrast between me and her.

This is our life.

Who are You and what is your life about?  What is Life?  What does it mean to have an in tune guitar within our being?  What does it look like to play the notes that are most beautiful in this moment — to play with gentleness, meekness, confidence, vigor, strength, seriousness, gaiety, humility?  How could we “play” in such a way that is equal to whips clearing out a temple that needs clearing out?  Or play with such tenderness that the most hardened heart is inclined to welcome love?

Pain and trauma from the past can try to block our path.  We think we got away and then find ourselves repeating the same pattern that was so familiar to us then.  It’s horrible.  I know.  Some days can be really painful.  It’s so important that we keep on.  Others can see in our face that we have experienced deep grief and pain but we are still here.  Our sincere faces inspire them to continue.  We long to play in harmony with Love.  Accept nothing less than the highest path.

One of my favorite passages about Jesus is the one that says: “Even if I testify about Myself…My testimony is valid, because I know where I came from and where I’m going. But you don’t know where I come from or where I’m going…”  He knew who He was, what his Life was about — where he came from and where he was going.

We can get so caught up in how everyone else describes life that we don’t even think of “Life”.  Remember that quote I often write on twitter — because I am reminded of it so often:

“Never tell a child,” said George MacDonald, ‘you have a soul. Teach him, you are a soul; you have a body.'”

Or remember these lyrics of Miss. Lauryn Hill’s:

Come on baby, light my fire
Everything you drop is so tired
Music is supposed to inspire
How come we ain’t getting no higher?

…Now tell me your philosophy
On exactly what an artist should be
Should they be someone with prosperity
And no concept of reality?
Now, who you know without any flaws
That lives above the spiritual laws
And does anything they feel just because
There’s always someone there who’ll applaud…

(from her song “Superstar”)

I cannot tell you everything in one blog post… you know how I try to do that if you have been here (I’m still working to re-post the 12+ posts I took down from the last two years.)  — I know that as we try to run from our past pain, or escape it –without going through it and allowing love to come in and heal us– then we just repeat it!  I know that much, from my own experience and in working with others as a psychologist.  We do not have to keep creating unnecessary pain — but we must muster up the courage, with the help of God, to face the pain we have been so frightened to walk through.

If we never think about “Life” and the essence of who we are and why we are here — then we continuously just walk through in a kind of numbed state — unawakened to any higher purpose we may have for being here on this earth and having the experience we are experiencing.

I trust what Jesus said when he said “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness….”  it would take me about a year of blog posts to begin to describe and explore the mystery and depth of those words — but his words are not said aimlessly and without purpose.  I know that much.  I put them here because I do not wish to mislead anyone — ever — I pray to God to give me wisdom so that I do not teach anyone to go onto a path that will bring you more disconnection from our Creator.

Also, you are a beautiful Soul –with choices in this world.  I must live and write in a way that respects that you have these choices to make.

You are not alone.

I wish you so much love on this journey.

I’ll do my best to keep writing here to remind you that you are not alone, to encourage you on this path of yours, and to honestly explore these psychological — soul-ideas so that — if there is a way to know and experience a deeper love, then we can keep learning how to do so.  Jesus expressed: “I am the way”…  I sincerely pray that the truest sense of those words is unfolded in our lives.

Listen to the lone piano notes…walking this path…in the midst of everything else… this song– without the lyrics was so profound to me as I heard it this evening on my way home from work —  I just went to wikipedia to find out what the title means in English — and of course, it’s about longing (the story of my life)!

“The title can be translated roughly as “enough longing,” though the Portuguese word, saudade, carries with it a far more complex meaning. The word implies an intensity of heartfelt connection that is yearned for passionately, not unlike feeling withdrawal symptoms from a drug that makes one feel good. Another good analogy might be an intense homesickness. Chega, in this case, means no more, enough...”

Much love dear ones — as we encourage each other in our intense homesickness here!

Dancing on the Highway, Elliott Smith, Esoteric

This Unreleased Elliott Smith song, “Dancing on the HighWay”  is what I used this time to make this video.  Screen Shot 2016-03-14 at 3.06.57 PM

Instead of doing a seminar for an hour, describing all of the amazing hidden Spiritual and Psychological meanings– I made the choice to only use pictures this time!

Just before Elliott wrote Dancing on the Highway (1999) I had given him a copy of Boethius’ Consolation of Philosophy (it was written around 520AD). In the book Lady Wisdom consoles Boethius who was falsely charged, imprisoned, and condemned to death. Lady Wisdom/Philosophy shows him that nothing has been taken from him that he doesn’t already -still- possess. –It’s like what Elliott says in
“Can’t Make a Sound”:

Why would you want any other, when you’re a world within a world?” ~Elliott Smith

Bob Marley conveys the same idea:

“Man is a Universe within himself” ~ Bob Marley

and Jesus reminds us:

and “The Kingdom of God is within you” ~ Jesus

This song “Dancing on the High-Way” follows the same pattern as Boethius. To me, Elliott is describing what happens when you listen to Lady Wisdom, as mentioned in the Proverbs… Even more so, the wisdom and truth of God — as revealed in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ Himself.  Christ is, indeed, our lost love.  We are the bride of Christ and he is our groom.  

Elliott describes the transformation of letting go of your flesh/physical self and seeking to follow the narrow path that Christ calls us to follow, in Him.  To me, Elliott’s songs about  “death” are about the –necessary death– the death of your ego, your fleshly desires, impulses, and the “mask” of yourself–which isn’t YOU…but it pretends to be you!

Much Love to you!! XoXo

Here’s a link to Boethius- free pdf:
http://www.exclassics.com/consol/consol.pdf

and all of George MacDonald’s books are free here:
(I gave Elliott The Princess and the Curdie (in 1998) but
The Princess and the Goblin is the first of these two books!)

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/127

I do this because….(part 2, moving out of passivity)

So, I know this post shows up at the top, before the previous one (part 1 of this post is here ) so if you are just now showing up, I still think the best way is to start at the first post I posted, because I’m building on each. But you choose!

Feel free to stop for a second and breathe slowly. I’m definitely going to have to write some posts about meditation…or the Lectio Divina.

Ok, so we left off mid-session 😉 last post, exploring this idea of :

“Yes, I was a child then, and yes my right brain is not connected with time and space so that part of me doesn’t realize I have a choice! I am an adult now, I did have to wait for my parents to protect and teach me then, but I no longer have to be in that passive, childlike, waiting position!!”

I’m too scared to change because (bc)….

Ans.: I learned really well how to follow this pattern in the broken environment I grew up in… Change was “dangerous” ….

And I assume I will always continuously be in that same broken environment bc….

Ans: bc I always was…

And if it is true that I manifest that which I still imagine, then I have continued to manifest this old-reality-environment into my present life….

I’ll put it this way– if I always saw my parents struggling then I absorb this idea that life is a constant struggle.

(I’m not saying that it’s not, in a way, but if I never learn how to care well for and respect myself plus I keep finding other people that walk on me–like I insist I “deserve” —- then I just created lots more struggle in my life….)

Look at it this way (and I might have mentioned this briefly on my post with the wagon wheel) — our life here, somehow, is like the movie “the Matrix” –a hologram, and whatever unresolved brokenness and patterns we have inside, continue to “magically” cycle “outside”, manifesting in our lives over and over and over again, until they are healed in a REAL way!

I sort of look at it as God’s gift to us. (The Creator has an amazing sense of humor, eh?!) — it is truly of great benefit that we get to see it so clearly though, if we make the conscious choice to take a step back, and look!

We always go back to where things broke down, find new people or the environment to play the parts, and we try to create the happily ever after!

For example, when we keep fighting with our spouse about taking out the trash, or whatever the re-occurring argument is about — guess what?! It’s not about the trash! 🙂

We will work, here, to get to a place where you can see clearly what that is! And see clearly how to move out of this passive, waiting, afraid, child-like state….

We have the ability to move into a place of making a deliberate choice, creating a new path (blazing a new trail– it’s cliche’, but I like the idea of burning in a new path!), of letting go of fear and seeing there is no need to hold onto it…and of seeing that I can create a healthy environment for myself and then I’ll SEE that I don’t have to react in those old ways!

20120517-002705.jpg

Finding a Psychologist

When looking for a psychologist or therapist there are many things to look for!! (Because this is “my” blog –I am just going to be frank– I’m certainly not saying I am “right” or that this is as comprehensive as I’d like to be– but hopefully my informed views can spur you on to consider things for yourself on another level in this search for a psychologist.)

1) We are where we are because we created this situation. Whatever pattern we keep repeating over and over again in disguised or not-so-disguised ways –is because we have long-held internal dynamics/patterns.

We have, in certain ways, continued to feed defenses or reactions we formed early in childhood — now what I SEE– over and over, is that people finally seek “help” because the consequences of these continued actions has manifested enough PAIN that they are (often temporarily) motivated to change their ways.
None of us are that invested in changing, usually, or we would have:

“You show what you want by what you do” Dr. Alan Surkis

We aren’t invested because we don’t realize that we can find much much much better ways of offering ourselves REAL protection and REAL LOVE. We stick ourselves to our old patterns and remain stuck.

I’ll have to create another blog post for all of this, back to the subject—->
What happens, more often than I wish, is we will go and find a therapist or psychologist that INDULGES our defenses!! He or she will sit for an hour (or two) a week & listen to us complain about how our pain is manifesting here (at work), here (at home), here (with the kids– who learn these same patterns!), here (with my way of relating with the Creator/my spiritual life) and HERE (with my spouse & within myself psychologically and physically!)!

I could spend absolutely FOREVER listening to each of my clients complain about any one or all of these “piles” — and they may temporarily feel better because someone is LISTENING– but I tell you, unequivocally, it is a complete DISSERVICE!!

Imagine an old wagon wheel with all the spokes going out–the spokes represent all the piles of problems we’ve inadvertently created by not seeing that we could take responsibility for our patterns, and change them/ really heal. Ok, so, if a person goes into the CORE, or the center of the wagon wheel and heals THAT then all the spokes will begin to change as well.
Some of my clients get really angry at first because they say “I am paying you to listen!” and believe me, I am listening, but I won’t let them just sit and waste their time, energy and will — complaining about the piles they have created!! That is PLEASING/ indulging and it is a cruel practice. (One can see the documentary movie called Buck–and see what happens to the lady that kept indulging her horse and it literally almost charged and killed her…I know this seems unrelated, but it is not— I’m telling you plainly, when we indulge these old and broken parts of ourselves we torture not only ourselves but others– all while having the best of intentions!).

So 1) Do not go to a therapist who will just indulge you in this “I am a victim, please feel sorry for me” place.
(When you dig up –all-of-everything bad— from the past you can activate old elementals that were dormant and now you have actually re-activated/animated them!)

(you will not get better this way and you will remain blind to the destructive defenses you have been employing & “befriending” for years!)

2) re-read 1!! Haha!! That’s basically “it” — the word therapy in Greek is “healing” the word psyche= soul — psychotherapy is MEANT to help you heal you so that you are re-aligned to the deepest part of yourself (not this exterior ego/present-day-personality self we become so invested in).

2) do not find a “new parent” for a therapist– my job, as I see it, is not to BE my client’s parents– but to TEACH them, reveal to them–the abilities they already have, that the Creator bestowed to each of us– to be truly LOVING. Not to sound cliche’– but the client gets to learn how to parent themselves in a kind way so that they can then integrate their healed (formerly arrested-development-child-self) with the new kind-(not indulgent)-parent that we “activated” or manifested from the raw materials God gave us.

Believe me, I know how nice it SEEMS to have someone say:
“it’s all them, none of it is you, you are a poor victim & I am going to be your new parent.” …for 100-200$ a week or whatever people charge these days!!

I’ll wrap this post up here– and, as “always”, when I make the time, I plan to leave links within and at the bottom for you to do more of an in-depth practice/growing/learning from your own initiative, if you’d like to!

Here is a good page on Dr. William Callahan’s web site on “preparing for therapy”– an EXCELLENT resource in itself!  Skip down to “preparing for a session with me” section:
Dr. Callahan’s perspective

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