Dr Cheryl Meier's Blog

Walk in Love

Category: Finding a Psychologist

I do this because….(part 2, moving out of passivity)

So, I know this post shows up at the top, before the previous one (part 1 of this post is here ) so if you are just now showing up, I still think the best way is to start at the first post I posted, because I’m building on each. But you choose!

Feel free to stop for a second and breathe slowly. I’m definitely going to have to write some posts about meditation…or the Lectio Divina.

Ok, so we left off mid-session 😉 last post, exploring this idea of :

“Yes, I was a child then, and yes my right brain is not connected with time and space so that part of me doesn’t realize I have a choice! I am an adult now, I did have to wait for my parents to protect and teach me then, but I no longer have to be in that passive, childlike, waiting position!!”

I’m too scared to change because (bc)….

Ans.: I learned really well how to follow this pattern in the broken environment I grew up in… Change was “dangerous” ….

And I assume I will always continuously be in that same broken environment bc….

Ans: bc I always was…

And if it is true that I manifest that which I still imagine, then I have continued to manifest this old-reality-environment into my present life….

I’ll put it this way– if I always saw my parents struggling then I absorb this idea that life is a constant struggle.

(I’m not saying that it’s not, in a way, but if I never learn how to care well for and respect myself plus I keep finding other people that walk on me–like I insist I “deserve” —- then I just created lots more struggle in my life….)

Look at it this way (and I might have mentioned this briefly on my post with the wagon wheel) — our life here, somehow, is like the movie “the Matrix” –a hologram, and whatever unresolved brokenness and patterns we have inside, continue to “magically” cycle “outside”, manifesting in our lives over and over and over again, until they are healed in a REAL way!

I sort of look at it as God’s gift to us. (The Creator has an amazing sense of humor, eh?!) — it is truly of great benefit that we get to see it so clearly though, if we make the conscious choice to take a step back, and look!

We always go back to where things broke down, find new people or the environment to play the parts, and we try to create the happily ever after!

For example, when we keep fighting with our spouse about taking out the trash, or whatever the re-occurring argument is about — guess what?! It’s not about the trash! 🙂

We will work, here, to get to a place where you can see clearly what that is! And see clearly how to move out of this passive, waiting, afraid, child-like state….

We have the ability to move into a place of making a deliberate choice, creating a new path (blazing a new trail– it’s cliche’, but I like the idea of burning in a new path!), of letting go of fear and seeing there is no need to hold onto it…and of seeing that I can create a healthy environment for myself and then I’ll SEE that I don’t have to react in those old ways!

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First Session, Depression

So, I’m working to keep these brief, without losing depth. (Depth usually wins if I have to choose!!)

Now that we’ve established: 1) how important it is to ask the questions regarding why we are here; what our purpose is; and which ideas/goals ought we to put first, in order to get the second things too. (First things First blog ) 2) I addressed how to go about finding a GOOD psychologist or, if you choose to begin working on yourself, it is important to begin by inviting yourself to stop indulging your old defenses–as if they are great and do NOT get distracted by the piles you have created they are real, and need to be addressed, but as long as you get lost in the “spokes” you’ll never heal the core–and THAT is what we need to heal!! 3) I wrote a short blog about the importance of doing this work on the canvas of your life– with a little introduction to where your own intuition can lead you.
Ok, so now– in my first session with clients we usually get to this picture:

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There’s a Proverb that says:

Above every charge keep thy heart, For out of it are the outgoings of life.

In the above drawing, that I just scribbled down at the gas station– is a picture of a heart that is not guarded, on the left. If we follow the Proverb, then– above everything–, we are to keep watch over, observe, and guard our heart– like a shepherd over his sheep, or a kind mother and father over their little children. It doesn’t mean put a brick wall around our heart–just like we wouldn’t be protecting the sheep or our children if they were just put up in a castle tower and left there.

Out of the heart flows the outgoings of life. If our heart has been stepped on, ignored, neglected, un-protected, etc. then we will have learned (by their actions) that “that heart is not worth protecting” –hence, the drawing on the bottom of the picture (with the boot) is one, among many, of our coping mechanisms/defenses.

To depress means “to press down.” If you were taught NOT to protect your heart (by the purposeful or –most likely– unconscious actions of the people who raised you)–then when all the arrows of life get through those holes (in the drawing) –that heart is left full of them & bleeding!!

We can’t live that way, and yet we insist on holding onto the old idea we learned from our parents and they learned from theirs, etc. So, we find a quick-fix solution—-> we use our energy to press down or numb our hearts. We use anxiety, drugs, alcohol, workaholism, tv, or many other things– to serve the same purpose. (We don’t have to if we really learned how to protect ourselves in a real and meaningful way.).

It’s important that I wrap this post up, but I want to mention the other part of the drawing. If you look at the protected heart on the right–it is also full— I filled it in because LOVE truly is the substance of LIFE. We could (and the majority of people do) temporarily fill our hearts with false-importance, titles, money and the things money can buy, temporary relationships, etc. etc. etc. But those things won’t last– only REAL LOVE is what will satisfy and keep us filled!!

The good news is that there is an infinite supply of LOVE readily available to us right now, in this moment. The bad news is: we keep insisting on filling it with the stuff-of-nothing…. It’s like that saying “Mr. Right!?! I’ll take ‘Mr. Right Now’ “!! As simple as all of this sounds, and as cliche as “Mr. Right Now” is–as long as we’re choosing the temporary solution then we aren’t building up the muscles & perseverance we need to find and keep the true solution.

I write this with love in my heart.
I wish you much love on this path–wherever you are on it at this moment.

This was kind of heavy so I’m linking to a song here…I prefer this version of the Todd Rundgren song:
Love is the Answer
(there’s even English and Portuguese lyrics in the comment section of the vid.)

Finding a Psychologist

When looking for a psychologist or therapist there are many things to look for!! (Because this is “my” blog –I am just going to be frank– I’m certainly not saying I am “right” or that this is as comprehensive as I’d like to be– but hopefully my informed views can spur you on to consider things for yourself on another level in this search for a psychologist.)

1) We are where we are because we created this situation. Whatever pattern we keep repeating over and over again in disguised or not-so-disguised ways –is because we have long-held internal dynamics/patterns.

We have, in certain ways, continued to feed defenses or reactions we formed early in childhood — now what I SEE– over and over, is that people finally seek “help” because the consequences of these continued actions has manifested enough PAIN that they are (often temporarily) motivated to change their ways.
None of us are that invested in changing, usually, or we would have:

“You show what you want by what you do” Dr. Alan Surkis

We aren’t invested because we don’t realize that we can find much much much better ways of offering ourselves REAL protection and REAL LOVE. We stick ourselves to our old patterns and remain stuck.

I’ll have to create another blog post for all of this, back to the subject—->
What happens, more often than I wish, is we will go and find a therapist or psychologist that INDULGES our defenses!! He or she will sit for an hour (or two) a week & listen to us complain about how our pain is manifesting here (at work), here (at home), here (with the kids– who learn these same patterns!), here (with my way of relating with the Creator/my spiritual life) and HERE (with my spouse & within myself psychologically and physically!)!

I could spend absolutely FOREVER listening to each of my clients complain about any one or all of these “piles” — and they may temporarily feel better because someone is LISTENING– but I tell you, unequivocally, it is a complete DISSERVICE!!

Imagine an old wagon wheel with all the spokes going out–the spokes represent all the piles of problems we’ve inadvertently created by not seeing that we could take responsibility for our patterns, and change them/ really heal. Ok, so, if a person goes into the CORE, or the center of the wagon wheel and heals THAT then all the spokes will begin to change as well.
Some of my clients get really angry at first because they say “I am paying you to listen!” and believe me, I am listening, but I won’t let them just sit and waste their time, energy and will — complaining about the piles they have created!! That is PLEASING/ indulging and it is a cruel practice. (One can see the documentary movie called Buck–and see what happens to the lady that kept indulging her horse and it literally almost charged and killed her…I know this seems unrelated, but it is not— I’m telling you plainly, when we indulge these old and broken parts of ourselves we torture not only ourselves but others– all while having the best of intentions!).

So 1) Do not go to a therapist who will just indulge you in this “I am a victim, please feel sorry for me” place.
(When you dig up –all-of-everything bad— from the past you can activate old elementals that were dormant and now you have actually re-activated/animated them!)

(you will not get better this way and you will remain blind to the destructive defenses you have been employing & “befriending” for years!)

2) re-read 1!! Haha!! That’s basically “it” — the word therapy in Greek is “healing” the word psyche= soul — psychotherapy is MEANT to help you heal you so that you are re-aligned to the deepest part of yourself (not this exterior ego/present-day-personality self we become so invested in).

2) do not find a “new parent” for a therapist– my job, as I see it, is not to BE my client’s parents– but to TEACH them, reveal to them–the abilities they already have, that the Creator bestowed to each of us– to be truly LOVING. Not to sound cliche’– but the client gets to learn how to parent themselves in a kind way so that they can then integrate their healed (formerly arrested-development-child-self) with the new kind-(not indulgent)-parent that we “activated” or manifested from the raw materials God gave us.

Believe me, I know how nice it SEEMS to have someone say:
“it’s all them, none of it is you, you are a poor victim & I am going to be your new parent.” …for 100-200$ a week or whatever people charge these days!!

I’ll wrap this post up here– and, as “always”, when I make the time, I plan to leave links within and at the bottom for you to do more of an in-depth practice/growing/learning from your own initiative, if you’d like to!

Here is a good page on Dr. William Callahan’s web site on “preparing for therapy”– an EXCELLENT resource in itself!  Skip down to “preparing for a session with me” section:
Dr. Callahan’s perspective

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